I Can’t Win for Losing

Someone or something somewhere in the Universe is opposed to letting me be great, and you know what? That person or thing can eat a bag of dicks.
‘Cause this right here? Straight like that.

The day started off on an alright note and devolved into a series of unfortunate events.1
First, my play-cousin sent me a txt to tell me that her car wouldn’t start and unless she got her transportation situation under control she’d be stuck outside of Detroit and wouldn’t be able to take me to see QuEStperform at The Shelter with Logic. And that blew me. John Q is one of my favorite artists of all time but since he’s based in Miami I’ve never gotten to see him perform live. When I found out he was the opening act of Logic’s Welcome to Forever tour and there was a stop here in my state I was freakin’ thrilled. That man’s music has gotten me through so much that I may or may not write about one day, but when I didn’t get to finally meet him? Well.
While I waited to hear back from Chelle I crashed on my couch for about an hour and when I woke up I couldn’t find my glasses because my couch decided it was hungry and ate them. After a fruitless2 search I took my backup frames out of my bag, went into the kitchen to wash my hands to bake a batch Snickerdoodles for a future Kitchen (Mis)adventures post, but the jar of cinnamon I placed on the counter when I left my butter out to soften up and disappeared.
There’s no Snickerdoodle without cinnamon, yo!
While I was trying to decide if using pumpkin pie spice and/or ground nutmeg in place of the missing cinnamon would scream “Harvest Time” too loudly, my mother reminded me that I had to mow the lawn. And—surprise, sur-freakin’-prise—neither one of the lawn mowers would start so I had to use the push mower…
Which broke before I could even finish my first pass on the lawn.
Like. I just can’t right now, man.

1 I’m not even going for the obvious Lemony Snicket joke because I am that irritated.
2 This isn’t strictly true. I managed to find a plethora of things I wasn’t looking for: a miniature Kit Kat; a pair of Hello Kitty socks that I lost while I was folding laundry more than a month ago; a bottle of nail polish that I was convinced someone had stolen; a comb and four mechanical pencils. As of press time I still haven’t found my glasses. Boo.

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